This may sound weird, shocking, even wrong. Who thanks an illness that, from the outside (and sometimes inside), appears to have ruined their life? I do.
These illnesses have changed my life but I don’t believe they’ve ruined it. And here’s why.
Dear Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Degenerative Disc Disease, and Others,
I am writing this letter to thank you for how you’ve changed my life.
Before you I was a selfish person. I went through my life with a sort of self obsessed confidence. I was carefree and eagerly focused on my career and my shopping habits. Gossiping and drama were the center of my days while I should have been aware of the real world instead of my narcissistic universe. I would get enveloped in everything that did not actually matter.
When I began feeling pain everywhere I was angry. I know this sounds like a natural response to a body that is failing an otherwise healthy 25 year old woman, but I was filled with bitterness that was unbecoming of my prior bubbly self. I pushed through, because that’s what I did back then, not knowing that I was further wrecking my already damaged spine. My broken body fueled the drama that was my work (and home) life.
After my first spine surgery I began my Tumblr blog and found my place among the Spooniverse. I had no idea this was even a thing. I had no idea that there were so many illnesses and people like me, suffering with bodies failing young women and men around the world. It shook my egocentric self to the very core. This was so much larger than myself! Through this I realized there were people in far worse shape than I was! There were warriors fighting courageous battles with smiling faces and I was moved by their spirits.
It gave me faith that I could do that, too. I could smile through my challenges and brighten people’s lives, and open their minds and hearts. I could look outside of my own problems and dedicate my life to helping others get through their days, weeks, and months. I could support and mentor new spoonies like I was (and still am!) supported and mentored by powerful, inspirational warriors!
It was around this time when I took stock of my life. I looked around and fell even more in love with my friends and family. They stood by me through my ups and downs, my good times and bad, my selfishness and my thoughtfulness. It was their love and support that propelled me to where I am now. It was their hours spent arranging pillows and filling pill cases and attending chronic pain workshops. And if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t be the person I am today.
Throughout this whole experience I have been changed. I never knew how strong I was before you took over my body and made it your own. You have affected every aspect of my life and altered my reality and future. I no longer know what tomorrow will bring, let alone the next month or year, but I know I will get through it. You may be trying to break me, but you won’t. I am loved and supported and cared for by people who I never would have met if it weren’t for you. You thought you were ruining my life but you have enriched it in ways I never could have imagined.
So, dear illnesses. You have changed me. And for that, I am entirely grateful.
Also, check out the Song of the Week page for an upbeat jam!