No Promises

I could spend this whole blog post apologizing for the fact that I haven’t posted anything in almost a year. I could fixate on the fact that my last two posts were basically me apologizing for my absence as my posting was pretty staggered to begin with. I could apologize, and I will, because I am sorry. But I also want to touch on a huge part of being chronically ill; the fact that we can rarely, if ever, make promises.

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Things I Don’t Want to Say

Good Morning, Lovies!

I have an appointment with my surgeon in about 3 hours. He will tell me if I need another surgery.. or he will tell me that there’s nothing he can do for me. I’m not sure which option scares me more.

Last night was the hardest one in a while. There were not enough medications to keep my pain stable and tears were unstoppable.

I’m sure that was due to a mix of stress and the oncoming rain… but either way I am not doing so hot today. Amidst the pain and anxiety my emotions have been all over the place and my brain is beginning to think things I do not want to deal with at the moment.

I think the only way to accept the situation and feelings is to share them- because I doubt I’m alone in them. Read More

Accountability

There are so many unpredictable things about chronic illnesses. You never know when you’re going to have a good day, or even a day where getting out of bed seems feasible.

Sometimes the idea of talking on the phone is overwhelming enough to induce a panic attack and other times you just ache to hear the ringtone.

There are days where the isolation is maddening but you are overwhelmingly exhausted and unable to socialize.

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