Just Normal Enough

When I was a teenager I wanted nothing more than to be normal; with my super short, curly, mousy coloured chemo hair I stuck out like a sore thumb. Luckily in high school everyone was so wrapped up in their own lives and drama that people barely gave me so much as a passing glance on their way to English class. And I grew comfortable in my invisibility.
I was never the best at anything. I barely scratched the surface of good most of the time. But I was good enough at a lot of things and that has served me well for most of my life.

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Spoonie Poem

Symptom 1 and Symptom 2,

This one’s old, that one’s new.

I thought my body was mine to rule

But it looks like I’m again the fool.

One thing goes wrong after another,

And I’m left attached, feeling smothered.

Brought to my knees again tonight,

Crying, aching, giving up the fight.

If I could sleep it might improve,

But late at night I cannot snooze.

Spoonie life is hard to take,

I may bend but I’ll never break.


ps- whoever’s photo I am using as the feature photo please let me know if you see this so I can give credit!

Loving Courtney

Hello everybody!

My name is Julia and I am Courtney’s younger, cooler version! We have a lot in common and I learned most of my annoying and slightly eccentric habits from her, or at least that is what my mom says.

I was 5 years old when Courtney was diagnosed with cancer and do not remember any of her fight. At the time, our family was having issues and we lost touch.

When we did reconnect, she was in her late teens and just starting University. She would crash on my couch between classes, which was a nice surprise when I got home from school. At this point in her life, Courtney did not seem to be sick. She was happy and larger than life all the time.

Courtney moved to London and the distance separated us for awhile, causing us to only be able to visit over holiday breaks and summer vacation. During these visits, I introduced her to One Direction, which we bonded over! Music has always been a mutual love of ours and one of our favourite things to do is to recommend new artists to one another.

Our visits became more frequent when I moved closer for school. This is when I started to learn about Courtney’s illness’. It was hard to hear that the person I knew and loved was constantly struggling with pain. At this point though, we had hope for a change. She had one surgery under her belt and it had improved her pain levels.

After the car accident, it got bad again. I was there most weekend, changing pillows and grabbing water bottles while trying to entertain her with new movies, tv shows and music. I was there for the second surgery and it was awful. She was in so much pain, and watching someone you love go through that is not an easy thing to do.

Every twist and turn, I was there to lend an arm or a shoulder or a voice from upstairs screaming “Don’t you dare bend down to get that thing that fell,” or “Sit, I will get it!”

Now, I visit when I can, this being at least one weekend a month and longer visits during the holidays. We talk almost everyday, even if it is just a few snapchats here and there. I do what I can to keep up moral because I know her current situation is not easy to deal with alone.

She always tells me that her husband and I are the only two people who know what she is like at her worst, and unfortunately this may be true.  She puts on a brave face for the rest of the world because she does not like being the girl who is always in pain. It feels good that I can be someone she does not have to act around because I know how short that list is.

Fortunately, this list has expanded thanks to you guys. The support she has gotten from her social media sites and from here is incredible! I am incredibly thankful that Courtney has people that get what she is going through and can be there for her in ways that I can’t always be.

I want you all to remember that someone loves you, whether it be a family member, significant other or friend. Lean on them.