Twas the Life of a Spoonie

‘Twas the life of a spoonie when all through the house

She was pacing and crying, disturbing the mouse

Not a dish was done, or a floor that was washed

But there was snow on the drive, on the window was frost

She crawled to the table to reach for the phone

While waiting she listened to the dial tone

Who was she phoning this late at night?

Refilling her meds to help keep her upright!

She turned on one heating pad at a time,

Smiling, she told herself she was fine.

She needed rest but it was holiday season,

If Christmas was ruined, this wouldn’t be the reason!

Rubbing creams and popping pills

Throbbing, stabbing, painful still.

She knows she’s not feeling great,

But alas, she shrugs, crying can wait.

Merry Christmas, Spoonie Friends!

Remember this season will soon end.

 

Love you, Warriors.

Paingry

I wish I had come up with this term. I wish I could take credit for this. But I can’t. There was a post going around for a while with a name attached but I am unable to locate it currently. Nevertheless, it is a real thing.

I’ve written before about how absolutely angry I get because the pain won’t let me do things I am desperate to do. I want to scream and throw things and smash walls but I can’t do those things because I am trapped inside this stupid, useless, broken body. It is absolutely maddening and all I want is to throw a ginormous temper tantrum because it’s not fair at all! Read More

That Moment When

Good Afternoon Spoonies/Spoonie Supporters/Friends Who Stumbled Across My Page!

Here are some moments I’ve experienced and maybe you have, too!

That moment when you wake up in agony but can’t move to get your medication so you lay silently with tears streaming down your face until someone wakes up to get them for you or you gain the strength to reach your medicine dispenser. Read More

Who is This Girl?

Hello My Loves!

I am so sorry I’ve been completely MIA lately. It has been a rough week filled with Pain Management Programs, MRI’s, and a horrible cold that had me knocked out on Robitussin. Before I get too into this post I finally updated the Song of the Week page and it is a really good one to (hopefully) make up for the fact that it is almost a week late!

So, back to the good stuff. There’s this post going around on social media that rings especially true for me, and I’m sure most other Spoonies:  Read More

Things I Don’t Want to Say

Good Morning, Lovies!

I have an appointment with my surgeon in about 3 hours. He will tell me if I need another surgery.. or he will tell me that there’s nothing he can do for me. I’m not sure which option scares me more.

Last night was the hardest one in a while. There were not enough medications to keep my pain stable and tears were unstoppable.

I’m sure that was due to a mix of stress and the oncoming rain… but either way I am not doing so hot today. Amidst the pain and anxiety my emotions have been all over the place and my brain is beginning to think things I do not want to deal with at the moment.

I think the only way to accept the situation and feelings is to share them- because I doubt I’m alone in them. Read More

Try Hard

Before I get started, I’m going to remind you that I’ve updated the Song of the Week page! Check it out.. it’s a good one!

I can’t even begin to keep track of all the abilities and things I lack.. but I try hard.

I can’t walk, can barely stand, and more than once need your hand.. but I try hard.

Cooking, cleaning and holding a job, it’s my fault I live like a slob.. but I try hard.

Sometimes I cry and beg, plead, and scream and you remind me we’re a team… I try hard.

For days I can’t get out of bed and the pain is throbbing in my head.. but I try hard.

I can’t remember thoughts or words and this is something that can’t be cured… but I try hard.

You tell me something but I can’t recall, and you hold me up when I trip and fall… I try hard.

If you’re scared or worried about me you hold it back and don’t let me see.. you try hard.

You live each day to make sure I’m safe, and it’s hard on you to give me space.. you try hard.

You fetch my pills and bring me food to make me smile and help my mood… you try hard.

One day we’ll just be able to live, but until then my love I’ll give.. we try hard.

 

An open letter to my loving husband and friend.

Love, Courtney.

 

Emotional Penguins

Sometimes there are no words available for what you’re feeling.

I have a hard time expressing myself occasionally, especially with the overwhelming emotions that come with chronic illnesses. I can be happy, sad, worried, anxious, excited, and full of despair all at the same time. As you can see, this gets rather complicated when someone asks “how are you feeling today?” There’s no straightforward answer to that. We all, I assume, just say “fine” and move on. But are we ever really fine?  Read More