I could spend this whole blog post apologizing for the fact that I haven’t posted anything in almost a year. I could fixate on the fact that my last two posts were basically me apologizing for my absence as my posting was pretty staggered to begin with. I could apologize, and I will, because I am sorry. But I also want to touch on a huge part of being chronically ill; the fact that we can rarely, if ever, make promises.
Our health gets in the way of a lot. A lot.
Making plans is a dangerous game. If we make them too early in advance so many variables can pop up and interfere! Our health is often unpredictable and it is impossible to know how we will feel minute to minute, hour by hour, let alone week by week. Forget even pencilling people in, it’s more like a whisper into a calendar at this point.
There is also trouble in last minute plans. Speaking for myself, my anxiety has grown out of control since my pain has worsened. If you show up unannounced a panic attack will almost certainly occur. And getting ready for any activity often requires advanced planning to ensure proper medications are taken, hair is washed (ugh), and clothes are clean. These “getting ready” tasks may seem second nature to most healthy people, but for us chronically ill folk, these are some of our most dreaded chores.
So how are plans made?
On a wing and a prayer, mostly.
Anybody I make plans with understands that they are subject to change. And they often change, especially plans between two chronically ill friends.
None of this is to say that we don’t want to make plans with you. We do. The lonliness is palpable a lot of the time. But we must balance what is good for our mental health with what is good for our physical health. And those two are often at war.
Thank you for sticking with me during my absence. I now have WordPress as an app so hopefully I will be blogging a lot more!
But, no promises. 😉
PS- I have a YouTube channel that I also haphazardly vlog on!!
Chronically Courtney on YouTube
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