Box of Dreams

Good Morning, Lovelies!

As you know, I’ve just moved into an apartment for mobility reasons. While putting things away in their new, proper homes I’ve come across things that were just heartbreaking to see again.

No, I’m not talking about old photographs or home movies.. I’m talking about my Teaching Portfolio, Flute, Kids Books, and more.

These things from a life I thought I was going to have but is no longer in view. These artifacts are now in Courtney’s Box of Dreams… hidden far beneath bins in the back of my (walk-in!) closet.

When I was in grade school my best friend was in the school’s band so I decided to try out for it and really began loving the flute. I loved it so much my mom bought me my own flute! Things were going well with the flute until cancer kicked my butt and I was no longer able to play. I could never get enough breath to practice while on chemotherapy and when I rejoined my classmates for year 2 of high school the band teacher was not interested in helping me catch up to where I needed to be. I was so disappointed and now the flute is buried in my box of dreams.

Along with my flute is something even more painful to look at… my teaching supplies. I have huge Rubbermaid bins absolutely full of teaching supplies. These include crayons, text books, curriculum books, pocket charts, bulletin boards, binders of lesson plans, stickers and so much more. I ended up giving a lot to my sister who is an Educational Assistant, but it breaks my heart beyond words. This was a career I worked so hard to achieve and now my thousands of dollars worth of supplies are of little use to me in this condition.

All of my Educational Assistant supplies are buried in drawers. I’m not sure why I hold on to them when I am painfully aware that I will never be able to do that job successfully again. My back just won’t allow for it; but I can’t give them up. Working with kids with special needs is my passion, beyond anything else.

So what do I do now? Wallow in my broken dreams? That doesn’t sound like me.

Instead, I am creating a new passion. A new dream. Courtney’s Desk of Dreams, if you will.

In our new home I am getting my very own desk and on that desk I will write. I will colour. And I will do something I haven’t mentioned before now.. I will Vlog!

Once my precious desk is set up exactly to my specifications I will begin Vlogging! This is something I’ve never done before and I am extremely nervous about the situation but also thrilled and excited! I’ve never so much as posted a video on YouTube before so this is bound to be an interesting experience for us all!

It’s not about wallowing in what could have been. It’s about making the choice to find a new passion and a new dream. And you are all part of mine!

Thank you for being my purpose! Thank you for caring enough to read my words and connect with my feelings!

Thank you for always being there for me and helping me see what I can do instead of focusing on what I am no longer capable of.

And if you ever need anything, please let me be there for you too!

Love,

Courtney

 

 

***** This cover art is done by The Psych Scrivener*****

Courtney

Courtney

Hey! My name is Courtney and I am a wife, a mom to a pup and cat, and I just happen to have a few chronic illnesses that have drastically changed my life. I've gained a brand new perspective of life and who I want to be while I face these new challenges. I am so excited about this new phase and meeting fellow Chronic Warriors! Please join me! Love and Gentle Hugs xx Courtney

2 thoughts to “Box of Dreams”

  1. This is the reason I love your blog! You are constantly putting all of my words and emotions into a post right when I need it! At the beginning of this year, I was hopeful for my diagnosis and I signed up for a class in all of the things I wanted to learn. When it came to my big important appointment, the diagnosis didn’t come, just more referrals for more tests because the doctors still don’t know. I had to cancel all of my classes and I still haven’t completely accepted that I won’t ever be able to do them. I know I can’t, but everyone’s telling me “stay positive,” or “don’t give up on your dreams,” instead of helping me move past them. You’re the reason I started my blog, and now I’m dreaming of writing a book, and I’ve already been in touch with a publisher! Thank you for writing exactly what I needed to read! ☺️

    1. Thank you so much for your sweet comment! I totally understand where you’re coming from. It feels like endless waiting as a spoonie. Waiting for consults, tests, diagnoses, treatments, etc. It is maddening at times. But connecting to other spoonies who know what we’re going through makes the waiting a little less painful. I look forward to checking out your blog and wish you the best of luck on your writing journey! Gentle Hugs! xo

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *