Imperfect Human

Good Afternoon!

I have a secret to share today….

*Deep breath*

I am human! I know this may come as a shock to you. I’ve kept my identity so well under wraps that I’m sure you assumed I was some robotic pod person until now. If you need to take a minute to grapple with this truth, go ahead and take that time now.

No? I wasn’t doing a good job hiding my humble humanness?  Shoot.

In case I was fooling you, I am in fact a human. I have good days and a lot of not-so-good days. That’s what ultimately connects us all. I find it hard to really create a close friendship with people who fake their feelings. I’m not all about that. I want to see the truth, the vulnerability in people. People who can own their faults as well as their strengths. Great friendships are bonded on these.

I ache to show nothing but my strength, but then why would you want to read what I have to say? I’m not comfortable with being deceptive in that way. Nobody wants to hear from somebody who is lying about living a perfect existence, so far removed from your (and really, their) own reality. It is fun to watch and look up to celebrities but I don’t feel any sort of relatedness with them. I do feel related and connected to you, my beautiful reader and friend!

The truth is, I cry, I scream, I wallow, I toss and turn under TENS machines and heating pads trying to find a comfortable resting position.
The truth is I have trouble getting up from a chair, or a toilet, or out of the car.
The truth is I need a nap after applying my makeup because, while fun, even that exhausts me now.
The truth is sometimes I hate this life and everyone in it (except for you, obviously).
The truth is I am terrified about 90% of the time.

But I’m only human. And so are you. And while we are all beautiful, brave, and strong as all hell, we are only human. And it’s okay to admit that to yourself and to other people. Don’t try and do more than you can do. Don’t risk your health or well being to prove that you’re “normal” (whatever that even is). Love yourself enough to be yourself. We’re all living this life and doing the best we can. And it’s perfectly imperfect. And that, my friend, is wonderful.

Love,

Courtney

*** The artist for this beautiful cover photo contacted me so I can give credit for this piece! Thank You to Taii / Pokku / Glitch (at http://touzhaii.deviantart.com/art/cause-i-m-only-human-470576311) for this gorgeous piece of art! If any other artist out there sees their piece as a cover photo please contact me so I can give you credit as well! ***

Courtney

Courtney

Hey! My name is Courtney and I am a wife, a mom to a pup and cat, and I just happen to have a few chronic illnesses that have drastically changed my life. I've gained a brand new perspective of life and who I want to be while I face these new challenges. I am so excited about this new phase and meeting fellow Chronic Warriors! Please join me! Love and Gentle Hugs xx Courtney

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