Hello My Loves!
As some of you may know (if you follow me on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook) I’ve had a rough week. I even ended up in the hospital a couple of days ago thanks to my back pain/ sciatica situation. I have been resting every day since to be well enough to go home and hug my baby nephew this weekend. Here’s what has been going on…
The surgeon appointment went so much better than expected! He was amazing and supportive and as desperate to fix my pain as I am to have it fixed! I am actually even scheduled for an MRI next week (which is ridiculously quick here in Canada, where people can be on a wait list for MRI’s up to 6 months!), and will see him after Christmas where we will discuss the results and which surgery will follow. The options are: spinal fusion (if the same disc is reherniated), microdiscectomy decompression (if a different disc is further herniated and now impacting nerve), or an implanted spine stimulator. All have their own risks and rewards so I am anxious to have the MRI and find out which road we’re going.
So the day following the surgeon appointment is when I ended up in the Emergency Room because of unyielding pain. While I was being pumped full of pain meds, and having vitals and assessments taken repeatedly, a nurse commented on how my pain tolerance must be very high if I can have tattoos. I laughed it off, explaining the meaning behind each piece of ink and lamenting that the tattoo needles feel so much better than my constant RA/Fibro/DDD agony.
The nurse seemed shocked and, at the same time, impressed when I disclosed that I never go through pain without purpose. Each piece of body art I have was endured because it is about the only thing I can control on a body that feels completely out of my control. I love every piece I have because I got them for a purpose and cannot wait to expand my collection.
My chronic pain has a purpose as well, even if it is not self inflicted pain. I have worked hard to make sure that there is purpose to the hell I go through. The purposes include contacting many of you fellow warriors who I would not have had the privilege to meet otherwise. Writing again has been a great blessing and outlet when I needed it the most; another great outcome of this prison body I currently inhabit. Falling deeper in love with my husband and life has truly changed me inside and out. Finding joy in the little things, growing more patient during trials, and having a broader perspective on what is sincerely important in life.
I will not let what I am enduring be for nothing. I will come out on top of this, one way or another.
Thank you for being beside me,